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Lacking….

“Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove”

Okay, so that’s a pretty famous quote from the BEST chick flick out there. And you’re only hearing that from me once. And it’s in reference to something I witnessed today, and that’s the marriage of one of my closest friends from college.

And being in the wedding party, I got a front row seat to everything. And watching the ceremony, I began reflecting upon the words being said, the significance of each of the actions that the bride and groom were performing, and the nature of the wedding ceremony as a whole. And then something hit me….

I am completely not husband material.

Main reason being is that I never had a permanent role model in my life as to what being a godly husband looks like. And finding someone to love and start a family with someone is a strong desire of mine!

And I have begun to doubt if God will ever bring someone into my life.

When I say that I am lacking a role model, I am not saying that I never had any godly men in my life, but I come from being raised by a single mom, and having mentors in your life is not the same as witnessing 24/7 what a good marriage looks like. And I completely fearful that I will make the exact same mistakes that my father made with my mother that led to their divorce.

It’s difficult is all, I’m 28, single, and I doubt that I’ll ever be as good a husband as the men in my church. This may sound like a pity party call, but there is something else.

God has me. Whatever He decides, it will be well with my soul. That song is what got me thinking about what God is doing. Have you heard that hymn? If not, here’s the song as performed by Jars of Clay:

And here’s the history of that song:

“Horatio G. Spafford was a successful lawyer and businessman in Chicago with a lovely family — a wife, Anna, and five children. However, they were not strangers to tears and tragedy. Their young son died with pneumonia in 1871, and in that same year, much of their business was lost in the great Chicago fire. Yet, God in His mercy and kindness allowed the business to flourish once more.

On Nov. 21, 1873, the French ocean liner, Ville du Havre was crossing the Atlantic from the U.S. to Europe with 313 passengers on board. Among the passengers were Mrs. Spafford and their four daughters. Although Mr. Spafford had planned to go with his family, he found it necessary to stay in Chicago to help solve an unexpected business problem. He told his wife he would join her and their children in Europe a few days later. His plan was to take another ship.

About four days into the crossing of the Atlantic, the Ville du Harve collided with a powerful, iron-hulled Scottish ship, the Loch Earn. Suddenly, all of those on board were in grave danger. Anna hurriedly brought her four children to the deck. She knelt there with Annie, Margaret Lee, Bessie and Tanetta and prayed that God would spare them if that could be His will, or to make them willing to endure whatever awaited them. Within approximately 12 minutes, the Ville du Harve slipped beneath the dark waters of the Atlantic, carrying with it 226 of the passengers including the four Spafford children.

A sailor, rowing a small boat over the spot where the ship went down, spotted a woman floating on a piece of the wreckage. It was Anna, still alive. He pulled her into the boat and they were picked up by another large vessel which, nine days later, landed them in Cardiff, Wales. From there she wired her husband a message which began, “Saved alone, what shall I do?” Mr. Spafford later framed the telegram and placed it in his office.

Another of the ship’s survivors, Pastor Weiss, later recalled Anna saying, “God gave me four daughters. Now they have been taken from me. Someday I will understand why.”

Mr. Spafford booked passage on the next available ship and left to join his grieving wife. With the ship about four days out, the captain called Spafford to his cabin and told him they were over the place where his children went down.

According to Bertha Spafford Vester, a daughter born after the tragedy, Spafford wrote “It Is Well With My Soul” while on this journey.”

–CREDIT TO http://staugustine.com/living/religion/2014-10-16/story-behind-song-it-well-my-soul

 

The first verse: When peace like a river attendeth my way When sorrows like sea billows roll What ever my lot you have taught me to say It is well, it is well with my soul is what spoke to me the most. God can give you peace on anything. ANYTHING. And I forgot about that today and hearing that song in my car, I couldn’t resist singing with the rest of the song after the first verse. God has taught me to be content in life, and that any new thing or person that comes into my life is a blessing given by Him and it’s His timing that matters. My job is to just follow Him and love Him. God will deem me ready as a husband in His own time, and I hope that is soon, but I will exercise patience until that time and continue to worship God 24/7 and say IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL, on whatever God decides to do!

 

-Tom

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1 Comment

  1. Hi there!  I just came by from your comment in Beauty Beyond Bones’s blog, that you were struggling with being single, and was curious about you.  After reading this post, may I ask, “why do you feel like you’re not husband material…other than the fact that you had no father to show you how?”  From this post alone, without having read anything else, you sound like a sincere man, reflective, one who longs to love dearly and deeply.  You have a connection to God and seem to be looking for guidance from Him as you navigate your life, even thru the dark moments of uncertainty.  What I love about what you’ve said is this, “God has me. Whatever He decides, it shall be well with me.”  THAT. IS. AWESOME!  *THAT*  is exactly what Faith is!  It’s trusting God with ALL OF YOU and giving yourself to HIM, even if you can’t see Him right now.  Do you know what that means about you?  About who you are?  You may feel like an empty cup when it comes to being a husband, but you are ready to be filled…if you let your Father show you how.  Let Him show you how to be a Father and a companion that’s in it for the long haul, thru *whatever* happens in life.  You may not have had a dad to show you the right way, but your Father (in Heaven) will not fail you, nor forsake you. and He can show you how as you ask him how…when you pray to Him…and listen.  He’s already been preparing you for the desires of your heart.  Stay with him, and live as He would, and you will discover that which you seek.

    Like

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