So, I’ve been trying to get back in the dating world. and it hasn’t been easy. To be really honest, I haven’t had a full fledged relationship since high school…And that was close to 10 years ago. It didn’t end well after graduation from high school, and after it ended, God really spoke to me saying that I was not ready for a bf/gf relationship to explode into the next level, which would have been marriage. So, since that time I have taken the time to focus inward about myself, and let God work on the pieces of me that would make a relationship break down.
And here’s what they were:
- Very little empathy
These were the five biggest things in my life that I found that made me a horrible person to be around. And God really took a hammer and chisel to my life. It was UNCOMFORTABLE.
Those things in my life were what made me feel safe, but God revealed those things to be lies of safety. Things Satan had trapped me in to keep pulling me away from God and keep me in a life of sin. And the sad fact was that I was a believer and follower of Christ long before this point–and it was sobering and humbling to see how patient God had been with me before I made the choice to repent and turn back to God.
The road has been long and hard, but in terms of finally making me into someone that my significant other would love to be around and love for the rest of her life, the pain that God put me through will be extremely worth it.
I speak of pain from God–God doesn’t want us to be in pain, but in order to remove the undesirable things in our lives, it requires a process that is extremely painful because those bad things in our life are things we have clung to, and without them, we feel like there is nothing there. But God replaces those things by becoming a part of us.
Now, we move on to the dating portion…
I fear I have waded into a much harder field in terms of dating. A lot of things have changed, not on the women’s side of things but on the men’s. And women have suffered greatly because of it. Women I have met in person and even on the online site I use, seem to have the same story–they’ve been hurt by men in the past and they’re extremely reluctant or distrustful of any man who wishes to be a part of her life in the capacity as a significant other.
And even before I get to prove that I’m different, I am shut down…….
And it’s sad, really it is. And I’m not hurt when a lady doesn’t want to go any further. And yes, I have been told a few times that they’re not interested, but the others have straight up said they’re afraid to take the risk.
Heck, even at this point, I would really enjoy a Skype Date.
Ladies, this part is just for you–and it’s an apology letter of sorts. I know I can’t speak for every guy, but still just take it for what it’s worth.
I apologize that men have not lived up to their full potential and lived up to an expectation that you needed in a relationship. You may have been told that the expectations you have are old fashioned, make you tough to love, or even just prudish because you won’t “put out” on the first date. Ladies, the expectations you have for the man in your life are NOT unrealistic. Now, if you have the expectation of the washboard abs, tall, dark, and handsome–that may be somewhat unrealistic. But what I’m talking about are the relationship expectations you have for that guy because they are what you need physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Have you heard of the Five Love Languages? That’s kind of what I’m getting at. You need those kind of things in order for you to really be fulfilled by that guy, and when the guy doesn’t get that or refuses to meet your needs and demands that only his needs be met, it hurts you on the deepest level, and for that I apologize. Please keep those expectations–make us work to win your heart. That man should treasure you above everything else in this world, and when he has constantly met your needs, then he has shown you true, godly love.
Men, it’s your turn.
Men, it’s time to sit up and fly right. Our biggest flaw as men is that we are so dang SELFISH. That is the problem. And we expect that in relationships, meeting expectations should only be one way and that is in the direction of us. Sorry to say, that is VERY unrealistic. Women have needs and expectations that need to be met, and in a relationship, we should be willing to LAY DOWN OUR LIVES for that girl, yes even in the dating stages. Christ laid down his life for His bride, the Church. We should be READY and WILLING to do the same for the respective loves in our lives. When a woman asks us to meet a need of hers–emotionally or physically–she’s not doing it to be difficult. She’s doing it because she feels loved by you when you meet it!
These are things that men need to do, and it’s making it difficult for those lovely ladies to find the still-rough but extremely good diamonds out there when the majority of men act only in their interests.
If any of you know someone, send them my way! JK JK JK haha 🙂